Meeting in the Middle: How Two People Agree the Sit

The sitter nearly mentioned the cleaning before the sit. It felt petty, so she didn’t. Three weeks later she left the house tidy, in her eyes: beds stripped, bins out, kitchen wiped. The homeowner came home to dust on the skirting boards and a bathroom that hadn’t been scrubbed, and was quietly furious. The sitter was hurt to be thought careless. Both left a cooler review than the sit deserved.

Nobody was unreasonable. The whole thing came down to a conversation about a mop that neither of them wanted to start.

Often the difficult conversation doesn’t happen at all. It’s meant to happen on a video call, where both people are being charming and neither wants to be the one who raises cameras, or guests, or what “clean” means. “Sounds great, we’re very flexible!” fills the silence, and the difference turns up mid-sit instead.

The problem isn’t that people are bad at this. It’s that it feels confrontational face to face, in real time, with someone you’re about to trust with your home or your animals.

Agreeing a sit isn’t a negotiation in the boardroom sense. It’s two people who mostly agree, figuring out the three things they don’t.

1. 1

   One of you answers the questions from your own side, and the agreement writes itself as you go.

2. 2

   You send it to the other person by link.

3. 3

   They answer from their side, seeing your answer on each line as they give their own.

4. 4

   Each line matches, or isn’t matched yet. Where your answers match, that line is agreed. Where they don’t, you both see exactly which answers differ.

5. 5

   Either of you changes an answer, one step, all the way, or not at all.

6. 6

   You both sign, once every line matches. You can each download the agreement, and once it’s signed nobody can change it.

Say the homeowner wants a short update each day and the sitter offered once a week. You have a few honest options.

Take their answer. The sitter thinks about the old dog and the owner’s first time away, and decides daily is fair for this sit.

Go partway. The answers sit in order: each day, every three days, once a week, once a fortnight. Both of you might settle on every three days.

Hold yours, and say why. “The house has patchy signal, so I can’t promise every day” gives the other person something to work with.

Decide it isn’t the sit. If neither of you can change your answer on something that matters, like indoor cameras, that isn’t a failure. It’s the agreement working: you both find out before anyone has booked a flight or turned down another sit.

And the things neither of you would ever argue over? If it isn’t among the questions, you don’t need to write it anywhere. An agreement doesn’t need to cover things neither of you would fight about.

It happens in rounds, in writing, at your own pace. You don’t have to settle everything at once, and there’s no limit on how many times you go back and forth. Nobody tells you what to accept, us included.

When a line isn’t matched yet, it often helps to ask what’s behind the other answer. A homeowner who asks for “The way it was at the start of the sit, or cleaner” on the last morning may simply have been let down before. A sitter who answers “I may ask for my partner or a family member to visit” may mean one weekend, not a month of company. Ask.

The differences that are hardest to talk about are often the ones worth settling. Seeing them side by side, as two answers to the same question, takes some of the awkwardness out of it.

Take three differences between one homeowner and one sitter:

• Keeping in touch: “A short update each day” against “Once a week”. They settle on every three days.
• Someone drops by: “No guests or visitors” against “I may ask for my partner or a family member to visit”. The homeowner hears it’s the sitter’s partner, for one weekend, and changes to “Partner or immediate family”.
• The last morning: “The way it was at the start of the sit, or cleaner” against “A basic tidy”. The sitter changes their answer, on condition that they walk round and take photos together on the first day.

After a round or two, the guests line reads:

And the last morning:

A little thought each, spread over a couple of days, and nobody had to be the one who made it awkward. Nobody had to stare at the other while deciding how they felt about the mop.

That’s the whole of it. Each line shows whether it matches or isn’t matched yet; there’s no score and no percentage. You sign only when every line matches, so nothing goes into the agreement as a difference you both just noted and left. Once you’ve both signed, the agreement can’t be changed by either of you, or by us, and you can each download it. Reputable Sitters doesn’t take sides, decide who’s right, or hold money.

If you disagree about something later, try to sort it out between you first, using the agreement as the record of what you agreed. Alongside the signed agreement, we keep a record of how it was made: each answer, each change, each signature, with the time. Either of you can download the signed agreement at any time, and your own record of changes, with the signatures. We don’t decide disputes, mediate, or hold money, and either of you can go to court at any time. In England and Wales, smaller claims usually go to the small claims track, for claims up to £10,000 (Civil Procedure Rules 26.9). Elsewhere, check the guide for your country.